Raw and Unedited

The following is what it looks like to write raw in 30 minutes. I haven’t been writing lately due to well, I guess you could say my motivation. I get these waves that completely wipe me out and I am unable to put words to a page. The waves have been getting shorter and I finally found someone who has been checking in on me. I don’t want to disappoint her, so here goes. 30 minutes of raw writing from someone who hasn’t written in over a year.
I hope that I don’t disappoint.

Ready… Timer set… GO!

People are disgusting. Humans are nothing but vermin, no, not even vermin. They are the less than spices of this planet. When you go to densely populated areas or even smaller communities you can smell their filth, you hear their racket, and you can see their distinction. Before there were humans the creatures of the Earth flourished in vast green forests with an abundance of life. In the age of now, there’s nothing but grey plumes of gases. The buildings are blackened by ash, and the water is thick and toxic.

               The outside world is off limits now. There is no going into the fresh air. That would kill you in the most excruciating way possible. The air it’s self burns like fire. A toxic mix that will melt your flesh. If you step outside, you will not be allowed back into the institute for you will be marked as polluted. Once you breath in the air out there they say it will forever change you. Some die and others become something else. We don’t know what that else is for we never see the true sky. We see the screens that picture the world of before. The world that was not engulfed in flame. Did you know there were things that grew from black soil. Things that would bare food for us to eat? I longed to taste the fruit of the old world. The things we see in books and the stories that were passed down from the ancient ones. They were allowed outside. They did these things called swimming in the lakes and oceans. We do not dare touch the waters now. For we’ll fester and boil. We’ll become something else, something other than human.

               Some nights you can hear the others calling. You can hear them in the older wings of the institute. They cry and they call. They are no longer intelligent as we are. They gurgle and moan from behind the walls. I have asked why we can’t help them. Why can we not change them back into humans? These questions are forbidden here. We do not judge what the institute tells us. We do not challenge the will of the institute. What has been written in the days of old are here to keep us alive. The institute keeps us fed, educated, and thriving. They give us the screens filled with the old world where trees existed and where we can see the blue sky twinkle in the day and shine at night. Even though I read in a book long ago that it was the other way around; we do not challenge the knowledge of the institute. We do not know what they do for they are the wise.

               How is it that I know so much but they do not allow me to challenge their knowledge? Why do they make us read the books of old and yet they do not allow us to grow our own minds and personalities? I do not understand why we must live in a world where the institute is law. I heard from one of the elders that we are no longer a human race. That we have created the machine of our downfall. I told them of my dislike for humans. How I feel we are the cause of everything that has happened up until this point. Some have mentioned that the institute is not truly human but a human creation. That was hushed and that was not to be said and so… I was punished.

               I was made to clean the windows of the old wings. I did not know that there were pods where one could see out into the true world. Were you could see the black smoky sky and the burnt piles of rubble. A small cliff of sharp jagged rock protruded out of the ground beside the institute. The institute was a gleaming white clear of dust and ash. It was smooth and rounded all over. It looked so other worldly against the vast jagged world of the outside.

I was to stare out into the true world and remind myself that those who misbehave will be banished. Those who challenge the ways will be outcast from the institute and made to live out there in the toxic wasteland. I feared this thought. I did not want to become one of those polluted humans. I liked my intelligence and the ability to use language. Even if it got me into trouble most of the time.

The outside world appeared to be a different kind of disgusting. I knew from my studies that it was us humans who did this without innovations. I tried to focus on my cloth as it wiped back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. I could not stop my eyes from straying to the outside and wonder what it would be like to step outside of the institute for a moment. Would the world be as toxic as they say? Would I become one of those polluted humans and loose all thought and reasoning?

And then, I saw one of them through the glass. They were running on the ashen ground without slippers on their feet. Their bare toes caused the ash to rise and fall with each step. The other being did not seem to mind the lethal air they breathed or the drizzle of acid rain upon their skin. Long red hair trailed in curls as they began to run and slide down a small cliff. And then, a black jagged monster erupted from the rocks behind them. It’s stoney hands clawed at the ground and gnashed it’s spikey mouth at the polluted human. Pebbles sprayed through the air and it struggled to catch it’s pray.

I screamed to warn them that the monster was right there. But the other being, the other human… knew. They understood that they were being pursued. They were aware what was occurring. This alone went against the institute’s teachings. The human ran towards one of the draft pipes and pressed it’s body up against it. The creature sniffed the pipe and howled a sound that made the glass beneath my fingertips vibrate. Then the beast turned around and sprinted in the opposite direction. The polluted human… smiled. Then appeared to… laugh. It was strange. How could something so outlandish, something so other than human, express such an emotion. It held it’s belly as if the monster wasn’t frightening at all and laughed and laughed. Could it be that the other human knew that the monster would hate the scent that shot out of the ventilation? If so, then it was able to plan an escape showing that it had intelligence.

               I dropped my cloth and moved so I could watch the human walk towards the institute. They’re eyes moved up and down the walls as if looking for something specific. This human that should not be showing any signs that it was ever human in the first place but here it was thinking about what to do next. It was clearly looking for something. Clearly this polluted human still had thoughts because it was holding its chin pointing at the wall as if counting the panels. It just wasn’t possible. The institute would not believe me if I told them this. They would banish me for even considering it. Maybe there was a leak in the old wing and I was breathing toxic fumes. This had to be a hallucination! The other human strolled up to the wall of the old wing and pushed on a panel of the institute. The panel popped out and then the polluted human slipped into the crack and was now inside of the wall of the institute.

               My heart hammered in my ears as I ran down the hall, around the corner, and into another corridor. This would have been the same space that the outside human entered the institute. I stood there in the center straining my ears to hear any movement. Any sound at all… and then, I heard it. I heard a small tune hum from the wall to the left of me. Before I could move a dusty, toxic scented, girl emerged from one of the vents.

               “Oh,” she said in surprise, “No one ever uses this wing so I thought I would be able to make it my home for a while.” She put her finger to her lips and winked. “If you don’t tell anyone I am here, I will tell you all that I know of the outside world. It can be our secret.” She brushed her hair back over her shoulder and smiled a toothy smile, “They call me Nana.”

Finished.

I feel like it actually had some substance. I feel if I read it over I might begin to edit it, but, I think a peek over might help me improve in the future. Hm, not bad. Definitely an unedited piece of my work. How is it that I keep stepping away from writing? I feel so free when I do it! My friend tells me that he feels alive when he plays his instrument, and now I am wondering if this is what he means. I won’t post every one I do but I did want to document my start. I do read over my past posts and see a pattern there. I see the rise and fall of my motivation. And then, I always let life get in the way of things. Being an adult really has it’s effects when it comes to things like this. I guess that’s why musicians give up their instruments and artiest put down their brush. This is something that requires more thought.

Please let me know what you think of this blurb. Please keep in mind that I have not edited it or changed it in anyway. This was just a writing exercise to get me back in the game. A small push forward.